Being Home

It has been a good day so far being home! Relaxing, I got a new belt and a swimsuit; and it is always nice to be with you family. One of the things I miss though is the weather of Anderson! There is still about six inches of snow in the front yard in Grand Rapids, and I didn't bring a coat home (smart guy).

This is gonna be a good week, I am gonna hang out with some guys from AU in Grand Rapids, hit all the fun spots, I am gonna be going a hunting and fishing expo with my dad on friday, and I am just relaxing and feeling good..

Hope all is well with everyone :)

Cya later!

A David Psalm.....A Cole Psalm

I have decided tonight that I need more sleep. This past week I pulled around 3 all nighters, and got very little sleep this whole weekend. Even sleeping in until noon on saturday did not take away the affects of this past week. So I made to notes taped to my desk. The first is my sleep schedule. On Mondays and Wednesdays; I can go to bed no later than 1 am. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sunday nights; I can go to bed no later than midnight, and I am gonna push it by writing this blog post for this evening :)

The second card is things to accomplish before sleep. The are: 1. All homework for the day completed. 2. A devotional. 3. A prayer time. 4. Backpack ready to go for tomorrow. 5. All internet related things completed 1 hour before bed. 6. All TV related things completed 3o minutes before bed. I am currently breaking rule 5, but I am feeling inspired and the Lord will forgive.

I am excited by my new cards, they make me feel back on track, for the moment I am at peace, and again feel like I am back in middle school with such structure. As I read for my first little devotional, I read Psalms Chapter 40.

Verse 4-9

"Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God, turn your backs on the world's "sure thing," ignore what the world worships; The world's a huge stockpile of God- wonders and God-thoughts. Nothing and No one comes close to You! I start talking about you, telling what I know, and quickly run out of words. Neither numbers nor words account for you. Doing something for you, bring something to you -- that's not what You're after. Being religious, acting pious, that's not what You're asking for. You've opened my ears so I can listen.

Wow. Slap in the face.

Let us look at what Cole has been doing.

1. Blessed are you who give yourselves to God-------could be ALOT better at that

2. Ignore the what the world worships ------- not even close!

3. Doing something for you, bring something to you ------ Ya thats what I have bee trying to pull, thinking that being religious and pious and basically full of crap will win God's approval to get what I want, which is what the world worships.

My ears have not been opened to listen fully, and I just cleaned my ears!

I read this and I just thought....What the heck am I doing!? I have totally been trying to manipulate God, for my own insecurities of life. I am scared that I am unsure of my self, I am scared of self image, being single, of job security, of wealth. All things the world worships! And to feel better about these things, I try to act religious and pious at times to win God over to help bring things to me that would ease those insecurities.

Wow.

Good thing we have grace, I am pretty sure that I need it more as a practicing Christian than I ever would have needed outside of that realm.

But that's the beauty of it all :)

Uninspired

Rough week, 3 and 1/2 all nighters, and I still have to be up to put pins together for a high school track meet saturday. I am feeling uninspired.

Sneaky God :)

I was hanging out with some friends the other night, and as we were talking, one of the guys mentioned a saying that a friend of his always says. The saying was "Sneaky God". The person would say, "You sneaky God" or "Oh Sneaky God" with the mindset that God was sneaking up on this person, that things were happening unexpectedly, or sneaking.

The point that I am going to write about is not to say that God is sneaky, because I feel like God would take offense to that ha ha. In no way do I think God is a sneaky character, trying to slither through a situation, or creep around; popping in and out of clarity or our lives. God is the truth, the way, and the life; and thats not sneaky.

What I think this person is saying by this statement, and what I get from this, is that we are oblivious. We are so wrapped up in our human selves, that we don't even have the capability to see what God is up to. We are caught up in the self centered life, that we go by oblivious to the will of God.

I wonder if this is why we feel blindsided sometimes by God. We all have had this feeling, that what we feel to be God's will, or something that feels like a God moment just hits us with a ton of bricks, and we are crushed.

I am going to try and think this out through typing, so this is not truth in anyway, just my self centered human thoughts.

We are caught up in our routine. We are human, worried about human things. What do people think of me? Am I going to be successful? Does that person like me? What am I doing with my life? All valid things, but we get wrapped up in them. We become self centered, worrying and fixated with what we are going to do, act, and live. In this process we start to lose focus of our surroundings, other people, and God.

Our relationship with God is on the fade, we start to lose sight of what we see as Gods plan for our lives. God's plan is never changing, but our perception of truth, and what's going on around us is blurred. Since God is never changing, His will never stops, and whether it is God dumbing it down to break through our blurred eyes, or we finally just run back into the will, it seems to be this dramatic process that is life changing, when in fact it never had changed; we just couldn't see it anymore.

I wonder if this plays into Jesus' message on do not worry.

Not only does worrying cause anxiety, but it blurs our vision to the truth.

God is truth. It blurs our vision to God. And the dramatic process cycles.

God is not sneaky, and never does His will sneak up on us. It is when we become so blurred to reality and the truth, does it feel we are being snuck up on.

My glasses seem to be a little smudged as well. Maybe its time to clean them; and see clearer

Running A....w....A...y.....

I am a runner. Not the athletic type that put one leg in front of the other, move fast, and do that for an extended period of time; I do not like that type of running. I am a runner in the sense that when things get tough, when decision become difficult, when I don't know up from down; I disengage.

I am not always like this, sometimes I am able to put on the big boy pants and just plow through the issues, but as of late, I want to run. I catch myself daydreaming about what it would be like to move out west. What would happen if at the end of the semester, instead of going wherever I will really go, I go west. I would end up somewhere in the north west. I could learn how to hike, learn to actually enjoy athletic running, I could wear flannel, I could get a job as a something, who knows what. I could run.

I don't know why I find this so fascinating; I would be leaving behind all my friends and family, everything and anything I am comfortable or familiar with. I think it has to do with the image, I don't like what I see, and so running away where no one knows my image as well. This way I can be ok with running away from looking at my image, cause if no one else knows it, than I don't have to either! Great plan......poop plan!

How do you even go about figuring out our image. Do you base it on personality, what you do, who you associate yourself with; all of the above.

This makes me think of the sorting hat from Harry Potter. The hat tells all the first year kids where they should go into house wise. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. It is based on your personality and character. Which fits what house. I want that, I want the magic sorting hat to tell me who I am, and then I can end up knowing which house I belong in ;)

Someday I will have it all figured out! hahaha

.........I am off to the North West!! ................

Our Parents

Yesterday went from a really bad day to a really good day. My mom was supposed to come down for the week in Anderson, but because of the ice had cancelled yesterday morning. Throughout the day different events unfolded, and it was not one of my favorite days ever. Then I got a call around 3 pm that my mom was headed down.

I am not really a lovey kind of guy, I need my space just as much as the next person, but yesterday, I needed my mom. I hadn't seen here since Christmas, and I really was looking forward to spending some time with her, and to think that wasn't going to happen really sucked.

I don't ever think it matters how old you become, we all have the instinct where we just want to see our Mom or Dad. We have this need for when we are in pain, or stressed that says, "I need my momma!" ha ha. It was really good to see her, it took away for the brief time the stresses of life, and I was able to enjoy the company of a family member, and here stories and updates of my families life in my absence.

I don't care how old or mature you are; we all have the urge at some point that just says, "I need them, I need someone to take care of me." You never feel guilty, you never feel like a mooch, because they are your family. They are your caregivers, they are the ones that fed you, burped you, laid you down for naps, put band aids on, ect. It is always good to have someone that take's care of you.

I love you Mom

Something not so deep!

So I have been writing very heavy things lately; I wanted to take a moment and talk about all the shallow things I have been enjoying lately.

1. The soft serve machine at AU (makes every meal better)

2. The fact that my professor has jury duty tomorrow

3. I have the easiest job in the world. I move hurdles....

4. My roommate and I have Netflix

5. Chuck (on NBC)

6. Castle (on ABC)

7. Rally's pick 2 for $3

8. espn.go.com

9. Facebook

10. McDonalds Mocha Carmel Iced Coffees

there is so much more, but a few of the many things will little importance that I love!

fun time's to be had

This past weekend I was able to go with the Youth from the Bridge to Mad River Mountain Ski/Snowboard Resort. It was incredible. Great time was had with the youth and youth leaders, skiing and snowboarding this slopes and hanging out in the lodge. Thankfully no one was to hurt, and we all came back in one piece.

It was good to get away for a weekend of just pure enjoyment. Being able to hang out with the youth, a lot of them experienced in snowboarding or skiing. I am glad to say that I did not hurt myself once on the trip; which is a personal record. When I was apart of Youth group back in Michigan, I successfully hurt myself a lot at skiing, and most youth events.

I learned something this weekend. Have you ever had a moment where someone brings something to your attention; whether it be a comment, prediction or insight into something they see, and you realize that you have felt that all along. You never gave it much thought before, or you didn't want to give the issue much thought.

I had that this weekend, and the person brought something up to my attention. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew the thought all along, but to know someone else saw it as well, I was/am transparent. Shoot. A-game lost.

Most importantly though, this weekend was a blessing, good times spent with good people!

What Do You Want?!

I am a procrastinator. I have had about 3 weeks to work on a exegesis of Genesis 6, and now it is due sometime today. This is a big paper, I have checked out the books, I have done a little bit of sourcing, but for the most part, I haven't done much. I see a reoccurring theme looming; major issues/papers/ext. are usually pushed to be dealt with later.

The paper I feel like will not be a huge loss. I feel that after I am done with this post, that I could crank it out in a few hours, no problem. What I am worried about though, is what am I going to do about the other issues. I feel like I have a major issue on my hands, of what my future holds for me. On the one side, I could go in a certain direction; financial stability, great opportunities and what not. Or I could go down the other side; uncertainty.

I have had this issue looming over me for a little while now, and I continue to push it under the rug. I continue to think about it a lot, but the one thing that I seem to keep pushing back is praying about it. For some reason every time I have an opportunity to pray about this issue, I am either distracted, nervous, or something is trying to stop me.

I wonder why that is such a big deal, am I afraid of what God is gonna tell me. I think to an extent that is the issue, but I think what I am really scared of is God not saying anything. What if I don't have a clear answer, what if I have to lean on my faith, and then what if I am wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I hate the thought of making a very bad decision.

There will come a time when I have to make this decision, and I will have to be open to God about this....

In other news: the first 2 posts have been deep. This weekend I am going skiing/snowboarding/tubing with about 5 kids. The next post shouldn't be to deep. Unless I see a burning bush on the ski slopes, or someone gets hurt. Knock on wood! But not into a tree! Bad Joke.

Farewell!

Wishing you were "that guy"

Last night I had a dream that I haven't had in a very long time. It's the dream that you have when you are hanging with the person you really like, and they someone how end up with your best friend right in front of you ha ha. I haven't had this dream since in years, and I would like to believe that I am not a jealous person, but something really got me about this dream last night.

I remember being very angry in the dream, and I remember waking up in a sweat, full of emotion coming out of the dream. As I got up and started to process what had just happened. I started to laugh at the notion of being jealous of the other guy, or being mad that the girl didn't pick me; but as I started to think about it more, I realized it was neither.

The guy in my dream was not my best friend. He is a guy that I have in a few of my classes at school. We are friendly, say hi and what not, but that is about as far as it goes. What I started realize was that I was so upset because this person on paper is a lot like me. We are the same age, same height, relatively same build, and we have the same major. This person was me, but "better".

People always seem to have it more together when you're looking from the outside in. This is no exception. I see this person and think this guy has it together. Mature, friendly, driven; I don't know anyone who thinks poorly of this person. I started realize that the girl had fallen for the better me.

It really has nothing to do with the girl. It has everything to do with me. I like a lot of others I see what the better version. The smatter, faster, more impressive self. This is when it gets tricky; trying to believe that we are complete in God, without anyone else, and without our own misconceptions. 99% of the time I think it's a bunch of poop, but the 1% of the time when I feel that I am allowing myself to be open to God's word, I can be truly content with being complete in God's image.

During this month of chocolate's, bad romance movies, and expensive jewelry; take a moment to be content with yourself. Know that God made you perfect as is, without everything we think we need. I will be the first to try, and probably the last to succeed :)