I have decided tonight that I need more sleep. This past week I pulled around 3 all nighters, and got very little sleep this whole weekend. Even sleeping in until noon on saturday did not take away the affects of this past week. So I made to notes taped to my desk. The first is my sleep schedule. On Mondays and Wednesdays; I can go to bed no later than 1 am. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sunday nights; I can go to bed no later than midnight, and I am gonna push it by writing this blog post for this evening :)
The second card is things to accomplish before sleep. The are: 1. All homework for the day completed. 2. A devotional. 3. A prayer time. 4. Backpack ready to go for tomorrow. 5. All internet related things completed 1 hour before bed. 6. All TV related things completed 3o minutes before bed. I am currently breaking rule 5, but I am feeling inspired and the Lord will forgive.
I am excited by my new cards, they make me feel back on track, for the moment I am at peace, and again feel like I am back in middle school with such structure. As I read for my first little devotional, I read Psalms Chapter 40.
Verse 4-9
"Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God, turn your backs on the world's "sure thing," ignore what the world worships; The world's a huge stockpile of God- wonders and God-thoughts. Nothing and No one comes close to You! I start talking about you, telling what I know, and quickly run out of words. Neither numbers nor words account for you. Doing something for you, bring something to you -- that's not what You're after. Being religious, acting pious, that's not what You're asking for. You've opened my ears so I can listen.
Wow. Slap in the face.
Let us look at what Cole has been doing.
1. Blessed are you who give yourselves to God-------could be ALOT better at that
2. Ignore the what the world worships ------- not even close!
3. Doing something for you, bring something to you ------ Ya thats what I have bee trying to pull, thinking that being religious and pious and basically full of crap will win God's approval to get what I want, which is what the world worships.
My ears have not been opened to listen fully, and I just cleaned my ears!
I read this and I just thought....What the heck am I doing!? I have totally been trying to manipulate God, for my own insecurities of life. I am scared that I am unsure of my self, I am scared of self image, being single, of job security, of wealth. All things the world worships! And to feel better about these things, I try to act religious and pious at times to win God over to help bring things to me that would ease those insecurities.
Wow.
Good thing we have grace, I am pretty sure that I need it more as a practicing Christian than I ever would have needed outside of that realm.
But that's the beauty of it all :)
